I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
