all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
