SEEEEXXX PLEASE
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
