I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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