You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
And the cops told us we were all naked.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
