forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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