remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
