i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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