So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
