I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
