You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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