he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
