They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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