Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
