ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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