im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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