So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
