Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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