Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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