Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
