Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Someone shattered a urinal.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
