How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
