Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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