honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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