Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
