I'm jealous of your bromance
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
