Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
