Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
