He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
