Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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