i jhust puked up my retainher.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
