Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
