i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I can't turn off my feet"
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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