I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Randomize
