he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
