You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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