I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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