Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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