I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
