I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
