So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
The Olympian is in my bed
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
