Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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