i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Randomize
