shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
