Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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