How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
