i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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