Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
