He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
sex in a hospital.. check
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
