I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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