I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
